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By Jay Rosensweig, Weekenddating.com

So did you see the movie Hitch a few years ago? It was pretty funny and hit close to home for me since the character went to something that almost looked like one of my
long island speed dating events. In a nutshell, Will Smith played a professional pick up artist who was hired by men to learn how to pick up women.

Fiction right? Wrong!!! A few months ago I received an email from a guy who claimed to be a professional pick up artist. Sam claimed he could really help all the Long Island singles on my mailing list. Those of you that know me, hopefully can tell I would not recommend anything that I did not believe in myself. So I went to meet this guy for a few hours and left the meeting feeling this was all a bunch of BS. Then someone suggested I read the book, The Game, written by Neil Strauss. It is the story of a plain little “nerdy guy” who infiltrated the secret society of pick up artists and in the process transformed himself into one of the most famous pick up artists of all time.

It was a fascinating read and some of techniques discussed were the same techniques the pick up artist I went to meet was trying to demonstrate. Maybe this guy really knew his stuff, but I just wasn’t crazy about his style?

So Neil Strauss, a skinny little nothing guy transformed himself into one of the greatest pick up artists of all time. How? He learned from the best pick up artists in the world adopting many of their methods. One such method was reported as the “Mystery Method” mystery method developed by Mystery and another described as “Cocky Funny” developed by David DeAngelo.

So I decided to conduct some more research and downloaded the e-books by both David DeAngelo (Double your Dating) and Mystery (The Venetian Arts Handbook). Of the two, I preferred the book by Mystery covering the “Mystery Method”. He covered a lot of fascinating theory about understanding women, how to approach them, why they have protective shields, and much more. A few weeks back I included the Gender Box (Gender Machine), and this book really drives this point home. Men are relatively easy to figure out as compared to women. We have a very simple on off switch. Women have many more “attraction switches” as described in the Mystery Method. So although I have not finished reading the entire book I really did find some of the materials quite useful.

Guys who know just how difficult the Long Island dating scene can be may also benefit from the book.

If you visit the LongIsland.com Singles Events listings or look in Tuesdays Newsday, you will see that you have quite a few choices with respect to choosing a singles event. Unfortunately all singles events are not the same and it really comes down to the organizer of the event. Some have your best interest at heart, and others are just looking to make a quick dollar and do not put any time or effort into putting on a quality event. Here are some guidelines to selecting a speed dating company, but many of the criteria can be applied to general singles events as well.

Does the company advertise more than one age group for the same night?
This is a little trick that SOME (not all) companies play. They advertise two different age groups for the same night (e.g. ages 41-51 and 52-62), so you are led to believe two different events are taking place. You call up the organizer who says, yes we have 20 men and 21 women attending. Wow! this company must be good since they have that many people. Beware, because this may be a trick. Remember, two different age groups were advertised (41-51 and 52-62), but their is only one event taking place and the organizer is mixing everyone together. So the actual age group for the night is 41-62. You may be meeting 20 people that night, but the age variance is HUGE. Sometimes these groups are not intentionally trying to mislead you, it is just that they could not get enough people for both groups, so to make it seem like you are meeting enough people, they mix the groups together. When you see two age groups advertised for the same time on the same night, call the organizer and make sure that you get a crystal clear response that the age groups will not be mixed together.

NO REFUNDS!: What does it say about a company who has these words on their website? Uh Hello, can you say they must have had many complaints. If an event is poorly run and you do not get your money’s worth, you certainly should get a refund or be compensated fairly. Be wary of an organization who will not stand behind their service and do the right thing if an event goes poorly for whatever reason.

*Does the organizer adhere to the age groups posted or do they have a policy of “If you don’t tell, we wont tell.” Their is nothing worse than signing up for an event only to find that the people attending are way over or under the age groups posted. That is false advertising. On the other hand, if you are looking to date outside your age group, a company that is not a stickler on the age groups may be an enticing option for you. Proof of age is required at WeekendDating.com events.

Do you have to enter in your own selections after the speed dating event? A night of speed dating can be very enjoyable, but also a little bit exhausting. Some companies require you to go home and enter in your own selections after the event. Other companies such as WeekendDating.com send the matches to you and do all the work. You may be saying Big Deal? Well it is a big deal since if you have to enter in your own selections, you may have to wait days to get your results or may not get accurate results at all. Why? What happens if you go home after the event and do your homework by entering your selections, but Jennifer waits a few days before doing hers? During those few days, you may be left waiting for the results to come in. What if Jennifer does not enter in the matches at all. Maybe she lost the paper, dog ate it, etc. You are left thinking that you really did not match, when in fact that may not be the case.

When do you receive your matches? At our events, you receive your matches the next morning, many times within hours after the event. Some other companies also do a good job and send you the matches the next day. Others require you to wait 48 hours or more because they force you to enter in your own matches and can not start sending results until giving people a chance to input selections. Another company only provides the results to the men and not the women. Before making a reservation, find out how long you have to wait before getting your matches.

Do you receive one way matches, meaning if someone picked you, but you didn’t pick them, do you still find out? It can sometimes be overwhelming meeting a lot of people very fast, and you may change your mind. WeekendDating.com gives you one way matches as do a few other companies. Other groups do not. If this is an important feature, find out if the singles group provides you with one way matches.

Do you get to meet EVERYONE at the event? Some companies such as Weekenddating.com structure the event so that you meet everyone who attends. However at other events, you only get to meet some of the attendees, but are encouraged to meet the others during a break period or afterwards. That can still be a little awkward.

Does the company require pre-payment for the events? This is KEY. Ensuring an equal gender balance is no easy task. Although it is nice to just be able to show up and pay at the door, this system just does not work and consistently leads to a gender imbalance.

When are the events held?Our events are only held on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. Most other groups have events mid-week. Choose a company that has events during times that fit your schedule.

How long is each date? I have seen everywhere from 3 minutes to 10 minutes, all depending on the philosophy of the company running the event. Our philosophy is to have you meet more people (no more than 20) for less time (usually 5 minutes). If you have an initial connection with someone, or are not sure after the 5 minutes, you can get to know the person afterwards or through email, but that important ice breaker has already taken place. Dating is a numbers game. Other groups have you meet 7 or 8 people for 7 or 8 minutes each, so you get a little more time with each person, but do not get to meet everyone. For some people, that works just fine and you should go with a group that uses that system.

How long has the company been in business?I am not saying that you should not give the new kid on a block a chance, but just be careful. The average company that hosts speed dating events is around for about 3 months. Try to find out if the hosting company is brand new, or has a history of canceling events because of a poor turnout.

Food or any extras included? Some event organizers do include food at the events and others do not. If that is something important to you, find out if anything is included.

Does the company have an updated website with a phone number to call should you have any questions? If there is not an easy way to get a live person on the phone should you have a question or problem, you may want to stay away. When you visit the website (if their is one), the events should be relatively current and not list parties from months ago.

I have made it a policy not to write about specific competitors by name, but today is an exception.

Have you heard about the recent event put on by Pocket Change and Cupid.com in Manhattan. It was a speed dating event for Rich Guys & Hot Girls. According to Forbes and several other publications, just to be considered men needed to make $200,000 – $500,000 or more depending on the age of the guy. If selected, the attendance fee was $500.

Women were judged by looks alone and if selected had to pay $50.

Please click here to read the article from Forbes or click here to read the article from the Associated Press.

Personally speaking, I think the event is a terrible idea and sends the wrong message. However this is America, and everyone is entitled to their opinion.

What are some great places to go on a first date?

Dear Jay:

I was hoping you can ask your readers this question. “Do women also walk around naked in the locker room at the gym?” I just don’t get it. I go to the gym, head to the locker room to change, and there is always at least one naked guy who thinks he is in his home bathroom.

I understand if you are changing, but this goes way beyond. These guys are talking on the cell phones, or blow drying their hair, or having a conversation with some other guy, or shaving, all while buck naked.

No, I am not homo-phobic, but what would be so wrong with these guys wrapping a towel around themselves. I don’t need to see there private parts!

I have always wondered if the same goes on in the women’s locker room.

Looking for other singles blogs?

Would you date a smoker? Why or Why not?

Speed Dating New York

I just came back from having a drink with two very attractive female friends, Jessica and Susan. While watching football, the conversation revolved around what women want in a man, the “nice guy” or the “bad boy.” Susan said “all women will say that they want a nice guy, but the truth is that they really want the bad boy. We are just wired for that.”

Shortly after a “bad boy type” walked by and Jessica perked up in her seat as if she saw some candy. She then showed me some pictures of her ex and a guy she is kind of dating. Once again they had that “bad boy look.” So the crux of the conversation was that women will say they want a nice guy, and they do, but not always. They want a challenge, and want a man to put them in their place at times. They do not want a doormat. This made me think of another personal experience that may explain why a woman went from cursing at me to wanting to kiss me.

About 8 months ago I did a mingle at the Cats Meow (now closed). Two women came in and said they were just dropping something off to the bartender and would not be staying, therefore did not want to pay the cover charge. About 40 minutes later I noticed they were mingling with the participants from the event. I approached them and told them that they were welcome to stay, but would have to pay the cover charge like everyone else. This resulted in a shouting match that turned ugly when one woman told me to stick the cover charge up my a**.

I am usually very polite at my events, but this was going to be an exception to that rule. Curses were flying and the shouting got heated. Rather than make any more of a scene, I backed off and went to find the manager. She told me the ladies were personal friends of hers and that the bar would take care of the cover, so I let it go. About 40 minutes later I approached the woman from the shouting match to clear the air, so everyone could enjoy the rest of the night. The next thing I know, this woman tries to kiss me. An hour earlier we were cursing at each other and now she wants to kiss me?

One last Example also took place at the Cats Meow at a single mingle on a different night. There was a gorgeous woman in attendance and I was running around like a nut making sure people were mingling. Whereas every guy was trying to talk to her, I basically ignored her because I was just so busy. Eventually things calmed down and we made eye contact, so I went over to see if she was having a good time. The next thing I knew we were sitting on the couch talking and she leaned over and said “you are a heartbreaker, aren’t you”? A minute later she attacked me on the couch.

Hmm, I said to myself, this makes no friggin sense. I essentially ignored her most of the night and did not show any interest. How is this a turn on? But it was!! So what happened?? We talked on the phone a few days later and she came to see me at an event the following week.

Unfortunately I had caught a very bad cold and was under the weather, but she came to see me none the less. I knew I was not going to be able to kiss her because I was sick, so I went and bought a bag full of hershey kisses. She hung out with me for a few hours and the chemistry was amazing. Towards the end of the night I said “I knew I would want to kiss you, but I am sick, so here are your kisses anyway”, and I gave her the choclate kisses. I could almost see a tear in her eye and she said, “that was so sweet.”

So what happened??? I never saw her again and she totally blew me off. She lost her attraction for me because I was too much of a nice guy way too soon. Counter intuitive?? You bet ya.

Long Island Dating Coach
Singles Events Long Island

Speed Dating NYC

“How To Tell If She’s Ready To Be Kissed” (By David DeAngelo)
Disclaimer: I did not write this.

I used to have no idea if a woman was ready to be kissed.
I could be sitting there talking to her, thinking to myself “Wow, her lips really look nice…” but I didn’t know what to do next. This would often leave me kissless, and many times kissless for good, as I didn’t get another chance.

Here’s what I do now:

If I’ve been talking to a girl, and I want to know if she’s ready to be kissed, I’ll reach over and touch her hair while we’re talking and make a comment about it. I’ll say “Your hair looks so soft” and just touch the tips of it.

If she smiles and likes this, I’ll reach back over and start stroking it again, but this time I also glance down at her lips and back up to her eyes a couple of times. If she lets me keep touching her hair, I know that she’s ready to be kissed.

By using “The Kiss Test” I’ve been kind and complimentary, but by being very SUBTLE about it, I haven’t given her anything she can object to. I now have a way of knowing if she’s ready to be kissed that NEVER gets me rejected—and I know within 5 minutes what it used to take me hours or days to figure out…

In Part 1, I introduced you to Karen, Allie, and Erica. Here is more of what they had to say when asked these questions:
#7 If a man asked for your contact information, would you be more comfortable giving out your email instead of your phone number?

#8 Would you approach a man that you were interested in?

#9 Best place to go on a first date?

#10 Do you look at a man’s shoes and make judgments from them?

Karen: “I would go right up to a guy I was interested in and start talking to him. This is 2006, why not?” Best first date for me would be a restaurant like Don Juan, where we can get to know each other, but still have a lot of entertainment in case he is boring. Yes, I look at the shoes. If he is wearing Kenneth Cole or something similar, then he scores points. If he has on JC Penny loafers, then it is pretty much goodbye. I really do not use email, so phone number contact is best for me.”

Allie: “I will not approach a man. Although sometimes I would like too, I am afraid it will send the wrong message. A great first date for me would be a carnival or some place where we can walk around. As far as the shoes go, Allie does notice, but said it is not so important. She also likes the idea of giving out her email instead of phone number.

Erica & Friends: Unfortunately Erica and friends lost interest chatting when it got time for these questions. I had taken them away from being the center of attention and it was time for them to go back to the dance floor and dance by themselves.