This article was written by Carlos Xuma.  It is a little salesy at the end, but has some interesting information that is open for discussion.  What do you think?

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So why do Nice Guys finish last?

Let’s leave women out of this discussion
for a minute. Just for a little bit,
anyway.

Have you ever wondered what it is that a
successful guy has that the “average”
guy doesn’t?

And I’m not talking about the obvious
tangible things, like money, or a nice
car, or a house. Those are not the
cause, they’re the EFFECT.

The personality traits that a dominant
man displays are what give him the
success he enjoys, both psychologically
as well as financially.

Re read that. It’s actually pretty
important.

(And yes, those things – money, car,
house – translate into success with
women, but not in the way that you
think. But wait, I said I was leaving
women out of this for a minute…)

I personally started out very low in the
pecking order. I was what you would have
considered a “Nice Guy.” I was
easygoing. I liked to keep things cool
and mellow. You know, where you can keep
everyone getting along with each other.
I wasn’t very Alpha.

Conflict just makes things more
difficult, right? Then no one has any
fun.

So I became the diplomat. The guy to
keep things running smooth and cool.

The problem is, I started doing this in
all areas of my life. I started avoiding
and de-fusing conflict and confrontation
wherever it came into my world.

I did this in my career, my family, and
most often in my dating life.

I didn’t realize that I was actually
sabotaging myself by trying to AVOID
conflict instead of MANAGING conflict.

If you’re a nice guy, or if you’ve been
one for any period of time, or SUSPECT
you might be, you might be nodding your
head already at what I’m saying. But let
me finish; there’s something else I
think you’ll relate to…

(Now let’s bring women back into the
picture. Forget for a minute that I’m
going to show you a proven method to
improve your life, your career, your
friendships, your prosperity… )

I also discovered that I was a little
bitter. I was angry at all the guys who
seemed to be getting the women I thought
*I* should be getting. I mean, I’m so
much BETTER than these jerks. What do
THEY have that I don’t have?

I got angrier and angrier about this
because I thought I was being ignored,
and these dweebs who didn’t have half
the goods I did were getting the hot
women.

Do you want to know why nice guys finish
last?

Here’s why….

You ready for this?

I’m reminded of Jack Nicholson’s line:
“You can’t handle the truth!”

But I know you can handle this.

Nice guys finish last because …

… we’re not really being “nice.”

It’s true. We’re not as nice as we might
think when we sacrifice our own desires
and needs to accommodate and supplicate
to women. When we try to be “nice” we’re
showing a woman that we don’t have
natural qualities to attract them, and
we’re denying our masculinity.

You see, by being nice, we’re actually
doing the WRONG thing for women.

What Nice Guys have got to do is bring
out this “nice” quality WITH our innate
DOMINANCE.

Women need to see guys who are capable
of being STRONG and protecting them, not
giving up their Alpha Male Power to
women. They have to learn how to mix in
the assertive behaviors that will show
women that we are fit to be their mates.
And this means short term as well as
long term.

Women want STRONG Alpha Men. Guys who
can lead them and protect them.

Don’t make the mistake of believing that
women want jerks. They only desire
certain Alpha qualities the jerk
possesses and that the Nice Guy is
afraid to show.

These Alpha qualities act like a potent
drug on her nervous system, blinding her
(temporarily) to the reality of the
Jerk’s bad influence. Eventually she
finds herself emotionally locked to
someone she doesn’t like, but can’t seem
to get away from.

Ask a drug addict sometime if they like
the drug that addicts them. They’ll tell
you NO, but they can’t stop going back
to it.

Now, there are a lot of dating guides
out there. Dating tips and secrets on
how to entrance and captivate women are
important, but what about improving
yourself WHILE you’re looking to get
women?

Become a better man physically …
mentally … spiritually … financially
… romantically …

What about becoming a guy who knows ALL
the rules of the dating game? And the
game of LIFE?

Let me throw you a quick pop quiz. No
need to get a pen and paper, just nod or
shake your head…

– Do you ever find yourself feeling
nervous and uncertain when you’re around
women? And you don’t want to use stupid
pickup lines that don’t work?

– Do you ever find yourself afraid to
approach a woman because you don’t know
how to handle the situation? (Or because
you’re afraid of her rejection?)

– Do you feel like you don’t have the
assets a woman wants in a man, like
fame, wealth, a nice car, good looks? Do
you ever feel like you need to BUY a
woman’s affections?

– Do you want to build your status and
grow to become more of your potential?

– Have you just started to date after
divorce or a bad breakup? Do you find
yourself reluctant to go out and meet
women, that it’s just too painful to go
through the hassle of dating?

– Do you want to find out more about the
unwritten Laws of Success so you can
apply them to your own life?

– Do you feel like you’re playing a
“dating game” when you try to meet women
to date or just have fun with? And do
you feel like women have all the power
and make all the rules?

– Are you looking to make an investment
in YOURSELF for once, instead of just
throwing your money away on bad dates,
bad investments, and bad decisions?

– Do you ever wish you could meet
beautiful women and feel confident that
you’d succeed with them?

– Do you feel ashamed of your ability to
approach women, and that you don’t know
where to go to get dating tips and help
understanding seduction?

First of all, these feelings are totally
NORMAL. Every guy has had them at one
point or another.

But what will set you apart is what you
DO about it. What are you willing to do
to improve your dating and seduction
skills to get more women into your life?

You see, most guys will never learn how
to handle the situations I asked you
about in those questions, and then they
will never get the dating success they
desire. They will let their egos get in
their way, refusing to admit that they
don’t know it all.

They may NEVER get to be an Alpha Male.

I know that you’re the kind of guy who
wants to do better, or else you wouldn’t
be a subscriber to the newsletters or
read our blog. You want to know how to
improve, and you’re willing to put aside
your ego to accomplish it.

I salute you for your humility and
ambition for excellence.

So, let me cut to the chase…

I’ve got a program that you can use to
improve all areas of your life that
we’ve just covered. I’ve got the
detailed information that you can use to
get the results YOU want from your
career, your family, your financial
means, and – most importantly – your
dating and sex life.

The Secrets of the Alpha Man 2 – Alpha
Immersion program covers all this and
much more.

From goal setting to getting the right
attitude… from meeting women to
handling rejection … from overcoming
your limitations to using persistence to
get ANYTHING you want from life …

From handling other guys, to handling
the tests a woman throws at you…

Man, I could spend a day or two just
going over all the cool stuff in here,
and I still won’t do it justice.

Here’s the bare minimum you need to know
about the Secrets of the Alpha Man 2 –
Alpha Immersion program:

– It’s over 10 hours of v on SIXideo (4)
DVDs – shipped direct to you

– Hours of examples, exercises, covering
every trait of the Alpha Man – and why
you MUST become the Alpha in your life

– How to use Attraction AND Rapport
together for maximum effect – instead of
fragmenting your game into isolated
zones, now you’ll know how to integrate
the essential elements of sexual
attraction to think less like an
engineer and more like an Alpha Man…

– Direct vs. Indirect approaches – what
they are and how you use each type of
approach in the right situation… and
know which one is the most powerful and
successful with the situation you are
in…

– The 12 Secret Alpha Traits that you
must develop for compounding your Alpha
Male confidence and how to build them up
from scratch – even if you don’t have
any of the confidence you really
desire…

– 3 Powerhouse Methods to keep you
relaxed and calm inside when you
approach and meet women in any
environment or situation – and end the
jittery “nerves” that always stop you
from making the attempt…

AND MUCH MORE…

One package, a complete home study
course on improving your dating
techniques beyond what 90% of the guys
out there will EVER learn.

I’ve got limited quantities of this run
of the DVDs, so you need to act FAST. If
I run out, I may have to put a delay on
the back-orders. I’m very serious that
there are a limited number of CDs ready
to ship. So I wanted to make sure you
had an opportunity to get one.

Here’s the link:

https://morpheus.infusionsoft.com/go/SAM2/blackzac/

From askmen.com

Sense of humor

A good sense of humor is one of the qualities women almost always mention when listing off the things they look for in a man. We all know how much more fun funny people are than dull, grumpy people. Now this does not mean you need to be “the life of the party.” Women typically don’t gravitate toward drunken buffoons. A good sense of humor just means you know how to tell and take a joke.

2

Ambition

Men too often think that all women care about is money, but that’s nonsense. Sure it may be true of some women, just as it’s true of some men, but women aren’t characteristically attracted to rich guys. The reason women gravitate toward men with successful careers isn’t because of the size of their paychecks, but rather because their success at work is indicative of certain attractive personality traits: commitment, discipline, strong work ethic — all of which are things that will likely make a guy a good partner.

1

Confidence

As you’ve read over this list of the top 10 things women want, you’ve probably noted some areas in which you excel and others you could work on. Maybe you’re a smart, sociable guy with a great sense of humor, but you could use some help in the ambition department. Maybe you’re a great-looking guy with expert communication skills, but you’ve yet to find the one thing you’re really passionate about. Here’s the good news: Confidence is the one thing women consistently say they want in a man.

Confidence is king. That means even if you can’t categorize yourself as “the total package,” as long as you feel good about what you have to offer, and as long as you’re comfortable with yourself, you have a shot.

From Carlos Xuma

You ever have one of those moments where a person is telling you a
joke, and you realize you’ve heard it before, but you don’t want to
spoil it for them?

I think we all have…

So you sit there and wait politely until the end, and you give them
a polite laugh, too.

Well, my friend did this to me the other day. He’s known for having
a joke-of-the-week, and he’s usually pretty good with them.

He told me one you might have heard. I’ll tell the joke here for
you so you can get a laugh, just in case you haven’t heard this one:

** Joke Starts here **

Two hunters are in a cabin deep in the woods.  At daybreak they are
awoken by a grizzly bear just out of hibernation, mad as all heck,
and hasn’t eaten all winter.

The bear is hitting the door with all his weight and it’s beginning
to give out.

One hunter calmly begins to put on his sneakers.

The other hunter is bewildered. “What are you doing? You can’t
outrun a bear!”

The other hunter says, “I don’t have to outrun the bear.  I’ve just
got to outrun YOU.”

Heheh…

I always liked that one. It’s a slightly evil joke that we can all
relate to. I think we can relate to that kind of competition –
especially running for your life.

Sometimes it’s every man for himself. Survival of the fittest.

So when my friend was telling me this joke, I had a second or two
to think about it – and I had a HUGE light bulb moment.

** This realization I had is totally related to YOU and your dating
skills. **

In that joke, there’s something brutally real about the hunter who
knows that *** all he has to do is outrun his friend.***

And in the world of attracting and dating attractive women… YOU
ONLY NEED TO OUTRUN THE NEXT GUY.

Not EVERY guy!

You see, the reality is that only 10% of guys have good skills with
women. (I’m being VERY generous here.) I’m talking CONSISTENT
success with beautiful women. Not just guys who get a date every so
often or have a girlfriend.

(In fact, one of the WORST measures of success is whether or not a
guy has a girlfriend. Especially when you see so many
bored/miserable couples out there.)

The other 90% of guys out there are STRUGGLING. Some will get
better approaching and talking to women – most will NOT.  

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but it’s true.

BUT this also works out better for YOU. If you know how to get past
your fears of approaching women, you’ll find that your potential is
UNLIMITED. You’ll surpass 90% of the guys in a heartbeat.

Remember, only about 10% of guys out there can approach a woman and
generate interest CONSISTENTLY.

Well I’ve got a great tool for you to start using right away. One
of my closest friends in this field has put together a new report.
He was going to make it part of a program, until I twisted his arm
to let me send it to you guys for free.  

That’s right.

In this report, he’s going to show you how to CRUSH your Approach
Anxiety.

COMPLETELY obliterate it.

Go grab his report here:

I happen to know that he’s in the process of creating a new
program, and he’s going to pull this down when it’s ready, so you
want to grab your free ebook right away.

By the way, he’s also got some POTENT information for you on the
second page that you’ll want to read, too. This is all about the
CRITICAL first step of meeting women that you MUST master to get
the woman you want.

Your friend,

Carlos

P.S.  My friend is a renowned guru on the topic of inner game and
how you make it POWERFUL *outer* game, PLUS he’s got an unbelievable
woman in his life who admires and supports his work. He’s not about being
a flash-in-the-pan “pickup artist,” he’s about living the kind of LIFESTYLE
every man wants…

Check it out here

The following comes from Askmen.com 

#6

Sociability

A woman wants a guy who can carry on a conversation with her coworkers at a dinner party and also has the good sense not to swear in front of her mother.

Women want a guy with a high social IQ. They don’t want a wallflower or the strong silent type. Perhaps, most of all, they just want to know you won’t go catatonic when faced with a group of people you don’t know.

#5

Intelligence

Many women find smarts as sexy as physical appearance. For some of us, this can be frustrating, because, let’s face it, we’d all like to be smarter, and at one time or another we’ve all felt like the dumbest guy in the room. Avoid running your mouth on subjects you know nothing about. Better to be suspected a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

#4

Passion

Passion is another one of the top 10 things women want. The reasons should be pretty obvious. If a woman is thinking about spending any time with you, she’d like to know that she can look forward to adventure, excitement, commitment, devotion, and great sex. Thus, if a guy wants to be wanted, he has to show a woman he’s passionate.

Enthusiastically extolling the virtues of your fantasy baseball team is OK, but it’s much better to be passionate about something a little more serious, like your job or a humanitarian cause. Women love to see that you’re passionate, because in their minds passion in one sphere of life that can be transferred into another sphere of life, namely the bedroom.

To read #10 and #9

From Askmen.com

No.8 – Positivity

Positivity is the next item on our list of the top 10 things women want. Cynicism and sarcasm have their place, but nobody wants to be with someone who is sarcastic and cynical all of the time. It’s exhausting. By contrast, being in the presence of someone with a positive outlook on life can actually be energizing. An optimistic person makes others feel good; his optimism can be contagious, even inspiring. That’s why it’s one of the top 10 things women want

No.7 – Communication skills

We often tease women about their capacity for conversation. However, men ignore the female inclination to talk at their peril. Women place a priority on guys they can talk to, who can express themselves and who are at least willing to listen to them when they talk about their concerns, hopes and desires.

You should also know that the communication skill that trumps all others is the ability to be attentive. Sometimes, all a woman needs you to do is listen. This is hard for us guys, because we’re very “action-oriented.” We think of every conversation as a prelude to some necessary action (otherwise, why talk?), but that’s not always the case. If you can show a woman you have the capacity to pay attention to her, it will radically improve your chances.

What do you think?

Tuesday morning I got an email:

“Jay, I matched with two guys this past weekend at your speed dating event, but I have not heard from them.  I wanted to make sure that you gave them the correct email.”

I double checked and let Jennifer know that, Yes, her correct email was given out to the guys.  I asked “did you reach out to them”? to which I received a reply “oh no, I can’t do that.”

WELL, WHY NOT?????????????????????????

Ok, I understand that in the traditional world, it is up to the man to pursue the woman, but here is a little secret… It is 2010 and there is nothing wrong with a woman reaching out to a man that she is interested in.   Years ago, yes, it may have made the woman look desperate or given off some type of negative impact.

Agree or Disagree?  What do you think?

Singles, here are four questions you’ll want to ask your next date. These will give you a deeper look into the person you’re dating. We got these tips from CNN.com.

• First, ask them: “What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you and how did you recover from it?” What’s so important about this question? If they start getting upset about the worst thing that happened to them, then it means they’re not over it, and that’s a red flag or possible emotional instability – especially if it involves a former flame. If it’s something deadly serious, they get a free pass to get emotional. However, if they answered that getting cut from the cheer squad in high school team was the worst thing that happened to them, then their immature answer shows that they don’t have an adult perspective and maybe aren’t ready for an adult relationship.

 

• A second question to determine if they’re a keeper: “What do you like to do when you’re not working?” It’s important to get an on the spot answer. If your date says they can’t think of anything to do in their spare time because they’re always working, that could spell trouble. A study from the University of North Carolina found couples with one workaholic partner divorce at twice the average rate. Also, consider this: if your date says they like spending all of their free time playing online poker and you love hiking, this may mean your interests aren’t in sync.

 

• Another question to ask your date is: “What do you do when you’re alone or with friends?” While dating Mr. or Miss Popular is fun, you want to find out if they’re capable of spending time solo. If they’re not? It means they’re probably needy. On the flip side, a man who has no friends may have a hard time with intimacy.

 

• The final question you want to ask your date is: “How do you feel about your mother?” Look to see if they answer in an extreme way. For instance, if they jump at the chance to bash their mother or if they turn into a baby, then there are issues there that you may not want to waste your time exploring. What you want to hear is something like “I love her, but sometimes she drives me nuts.”

The following article appeared in the New York Times on June 6th, 2010. 

For those of on Long Island, Jeff Magic dating coach is offering a free 30 minute consultation.  You can visit his site at www.learndatingmagic.com or call him at (631) 258-8595.

For New Pickup Lines, Pay $377 and Go Practice

By ERIC V. COPAGE

“It’s a back approach!” Michael McFadden shouted over the thumping music. “I’m not approaching someone from the back!” It was after 1 a.m. on Saturday and Mr. McFadden, 34, was standing behind three blond women who looked to be in their 20s.

One of his companions had just urged him to talk to them. But in Mr. McFadden’s experience, one did not go up to a woman whose back was turned. He and about a dozen other men were at the Park, a club in the Chelsea section of Manhattan, to learn the finer points of attracting women.

They were among 60 men who had gathered for the weekend in what has become known as a pickup community, a movement, formerly secret, that is making its presence known. There was a miniature convention, featuring expert pickup artists, in New York over Memorial Day weekend.

And over the last few years there has been a wave of books, CDs, DVDs and Web sites as well as a satellite radio show on the subject. The gathering that ended on Sunday, 2010 Dating Conference, was held mostly in a photography studio on Fifth Avenue near 14th Street; it was organized by

The students paid $377 each (drinks at the clubs were extra) to hear from about 20 dating experts, many of whom do not use surnames or even first names. Glenn P., for instance, offers on his fliers to help men attract “quality women during the day.”

And D.J. Fuji advertises “flirting and getting out of the platonic zone.” After lectures and videos, Mr. Luna took a group of students “infield” to get a sampling of his methods in the early hours of Saturday morning.

For about two and a half hours, starting about 12:30 a.m., Mr. Luna, 29, and three assistant coaches pointed their charges to groups of women, instructed them to introduce themselves, then watched the interactions.

Jerry Kim, 27, who lives in Washington, was told to approach four women standing near a table. They seemed cool to his presence at first. Soon, however, they were laughing. “One of the four was really unfriendly, and I told her she was the mother hen of the group, and that got her laughing,” Mr.

Kim said. Still, Mr. Luna saw room for improvement. “He hasn’t touched one of them,” he said, though acknowledging that it was impressive for a novice to approach a group of four women. Still, Mr. Luna said, “If he never touches them, he’ll end up in the friend zone.”

Mr. Luna, like the many dating coaches, suggests that men begin touching a woman more or less immediately, but appropriately. “The beginning of physical touch is usually platonic — you shake someone’s hand,” he said. “You touch their shoulder, you touch their elbow.” “The next step,” he said, “is doing something you’d do with a friend — you put your arm around them, you high five them. Then you might high-five them, but interlace your fingers in theirs and leave them intertwined for a few seconds, which builds up sexual tension.

“Some guys touch way too much in inappropriate ways,” he added. “Other guys don’t touch at all.” Mr. Luna turned his attention to Matt Guingona, 26, and told him to begin a conversation with a pair of women on a couch, which he did. Watching the interaction that followed, Mr. Luna noted that Mr. Guingona stood too long at the couch, towering over the women, which probably made them uncomfortable.

When he finally sat down, he positioned himself so that he had to talk past one woman to converse with the other the end of the couch. “He should have moved them to another location in the club,” Mr. Luna said. The next day at the studio, the students from the previous night’s jaunt listened to Mr. Luna’s critique of their techniques.

He said he had acquired his knowledge by reading psychology and sociology books, and observing human behavior He led the group through a series of exercises meant to help them, among other things, sound more confident, shake hands with both gentleness and authority, mirror a woman’s body language to increase rapport, before arranging to reconvene at 11 p.m. at another club, 230 Fifth. On the rooftop lounge at the club, Mr. Luna reminded everyone that they should have memorized an opening phrase or question that they were supposed to have come up with earlier. It was a rough night.

Midway through it, Mr. McFadden, who also lives in Washington, took a break from the fray. After taking a deep drag from a cigarette, he admitted to having “approach anxiety” after failing at five or six attempts. Standing with the rest of the group outside the club, Mr. Guingona, who lives in Virginia, said he was not looking to establish a harem; he just wanted to be more selective.

“Before, when it came to having girlfriends, I took what fell in my lap from being in the right place and the right time,” he said. “Now I’m looking to be proactive and choosing the right time.”  

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For those of on Long Island, Jeff Magic dating coach is offering a free 30 minute consultation.  You can visit his site at www.learndatingmagic.com or call him at (631) 258-8595.