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Ok, well this actually was not supposed to be in this weeks newsletter, but my upstairs neighbors are at it again while I am working on this, so why not. Yes, I admit at first it was kind of interesting, but now it is getting to the point of being seriously annoying and actually destructive.

The moaning I can handle, its the shaking of the ceiling which has actually started to crack, that is the problem. Being woken up to this at 6AM on Sunday morning also is not much fun. The cats must think we live in California, because they think it must be an earthquake and run under the bed.

Hmm, maybe it just comes with the territory of living in an apartment and its time to find a gal and move out to the Island?
Anyone else encountered something similar and did you say anything to your neighbors?

Personal Ads: A few months ago, I put up a profile on a few personal ad sites. Why? Two reasons; one because I am also single (ok, no comments from the peanut gallery on that one) and secondly for a little competitive intelligence.

Disclaimer: Yes, speed dating does work. 40+ happily engaged couples so far 🙂 30+ marriages
My experience
So I am reading these great profiles from women who say they want a genuine guy, down to earth, can be a little crazy, a little sarcastic, tired of the bar scene, likes animals, professional etc. So far so good. Next they say they want someone between 30-40 living within 25 miles from them, wants kids, and is 5 foot 8 or taller. Hmm, I’m batting 1000% so off comes my response. A few days go by, but no reply. Guys, does this sound familiar?

I did eventually get some replies, but it was a small percentage compared to the number of emails I sent. So my mission was to better understand why it was so difficult to get a response. I enlisted the help of my friend Michelle and several other women asking what they look for in a response and what the source of the problem was.

Summary of the problem
If a woman has a nice picture up on a high traffic personal ad website, she can get 20-50 responses a day. If she goes away for the weekend and hasn’t checked her mail in a few days, she may have dozens or more emails/winks/flirts etc in the inbox. So you are one of the guys who sent her a response. You read her profile from top to bottom and really thought you had some things in common and genuinely wanted to get to know her better. Guess what? Your response is buried within the dozens of responses she has to look through. By the time your email is read, whatever you wrote is diluted. Think about it, you are 1 response in 50. She may glance at your response and profile quickly and then move on to the other replies. Now if she only had a few replies a day, your reply may stand out.

The women we spoke with confirmed that one of the problems is the sheer volume of emails they get. Many indicate that it is quite obvious that the man didn’t even read her profile but responded anyway. “I said I wanted a guy who has no children and is between 35-45. Why is a man 58 years old, divorced with two kids wasting my time?” This is a key statement. I am not saying all guys do it, but many men respond to everyone without even reading a woman’s profile. They just go from profile to profile, copy and paste the same message, or send a wink/flirt. This clutters up the woman’s inbox and dilutes the responses she may have received from “genuine guys”.

So what is the answer? Well this may not be the total solution, but it could be a step in the right direction. I asked my friend Michelle to modify her profile slightly and include somewhere in the text that anyone responding should make the subject line read “Ciao Bella.” When she would go to her inbox and find 30 replies, she could go right to the ones with this subject line since these were the guys who really did read her profile. Michelle continued to receive dozens of emails and winks, the majority of which did not have the term “Ciao Bella” in the subject line. When someone did have the correct subject line, they were given top priority. Next week I will share what Michelle and other women look for in the profile and what makes them decide whether to respond or not.

Last week I reported about my experiences with personal ads and why it is difficult for men to get responses. Some ideas were provided to the ladies about how to sift through the emails you get. As part of my research, I went directly to the source and asked women what they look for in personal ads. Have you ever heard the saying “Men love with their eyes, Women love with their ears”?. Well not in the case of personal ads. Here is what the ladies had to say word for word:

Jessica:
The picture is always the first thing I look at but for no other reason that its most visible and bigger than the text. The profile is huge. One of my ways to eliminate is very bad grammer. If a man can’t spell to well or doesn’t use his words correctly Uh OH. Now I know not everyone can type so it has to be an extreme. I also stay far away from men who want a younger ( a lot younger) women. It’s not right : )
I love a sense of humor in the text but I also love when they mention their family & friends. What’s also huge is men who don’t want a women who has a child/children. Do they know what era we live in? Do they have any idea what the divorce rate is? It may be harder to get together at times but a real man will take it with a grain of salt and if the lady is worth it……..Older men love to wink or write when they are a lot older than what you are looking for. Hello people there is an age area we fill out for a reason. Oh and there are men who you don’t answer ever and they keep writing and then show their annoyance in an email. These guys scare me. If you don’t get an answer don’t bother. This isn’t a perfect world and no one likes rejection. It may be nice to send something like no thanks but not responding should be assumed that is was a “no thanks”. The silent rejection/way isn’t so bad is it? It happens to me and I don’t get crazy over it. And, TIME come on I can’t go on this damn machine everyday, I work, I go to school and I raise my son. Sure I want to meet the right person but if your looking everyday its easier to feel less fulfilled.

Sometimes this is too much work, what did his profile say again, etc, etc. Jon, Rich, Bob ??? Mama Mia. Whatever happened to the silent flirting when you see someone your attracted to. If only I would be so lucky. I hope this helps.

Stephanie:
It is CRAZY on here. I get so much mail I dont have enough time in the day to answer it all and I DO try to respond if I have interest or not in the person. Most times not……

When I get mail, I most definitely look at pic first. Most I am not attracted to. If I AM attracted to someone – I then look at location, then HEIGHT AND WEIGHT, then honestly what they do for a living…..by now I have most likely declined them. HAHAHAHAHA.

Heidi
First off let me say good luck with your column…. my response may may/not shed some light but here it is. Yes, I do get overwhelmed with emails/winks. I am by no means, complaining but nevertheless it is impossible to respond to all. Those who clearly do not read/respond to my profile generally do not get a response. ie. I say I’m looking to meet someone with ‘no children’ they have children (they get no response… typically). There of couse are many other reasons. One other tidbit I will share is that when I talk to someone who catches my interest I usually am not responding to others… even seemingly “perfect” for me others. And finally the last thing I will share is that many men on here simply can’t take no for an answer… perhaps it’s a bigger bruise to their ego? Whatever the reason aall to many feel they must re-respond with “but why?” and I don’t feel like answering “but why” men tell you they hate the “no response” but I am not a fan of the ‘but why’ and I’d rather ignore then be mean.

Kim
Yes, I get a lot of responses. The first thing I look at is the email if one is sent, then the pics, then the profile. If there isn’t any physical attraction then what’s the point. Then I look at a few key areas: religion, age, education, and if they are allergic to cats, as I have 2. I am not on here to mess around, and I know the few areas that I am not willing to compromise on. If no email is sent then I might not read the profile if some of these key areas aren’t in line with my wish list. I guess I am a little picky, but I didn’t subscribe just for fun.

New York Speed Dating

Dating can be a lot of fun, but can also be extremely frustrating. It is that whole getting to know you phase, where you are trying to figure out more about the other person. Will this just be a friend? a lover? Or maybe relationship material? The problem is that most people are going to be on their best behavior at the beginning and it can be difficult to get to know someone’s true colors. That’s what always made me think of Chazz Palmentieri’s movie “The Bronx Tale.”

In the movie, Sonny (the gangster) is teaching one of the neighborhood teens about women. He said:

“Alright, listen to me. You pull up right where she lives, right? Before you get outta the car, you lock both doors. Then, get outta the car, you walk over to her. You bring her over to the car. Dig out the key, put it in the lock and open the door for her. Then you let her get in. Then you close the door. Then you walk around the back of the car and look through the rear window. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in: dump her.”

“Just like that?”

“Listen to me, kid. If she doesn’t reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she’s a selfish broad and all you’re seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.”

Ok, I am not saying that this should be the only criteria to determine if you want to continue dating someone. However, it could be another contributing factor to help you make up your mind. I remember going out for a great dinner with a woman a few months back at “Houston’s” by Roosevelt Field. Everything was perfect. The food was great, and the conversation flowed. She thanked me for dinner as we walked back to my car and it began to rain. I opened her car door, let her in, and walked around the back of the car to my door. No movement from the inside. I started fumbling with my keys because they were wet, but still nothing from the inside. I finally let myself in and took her home. Since we had such a good time at dinner, I didn’t let the fact that she failed the “Bronx Tale” stop me from going on another date with her, but it did put me on alert. We went out once more after that night, but it was our last date. Hmm, maybe there is something to this “test” after all.

That’s it for now. Stay tuned for our next article that will recap our double speed dating event where there were two women at each table for every man.

Part II- The event

Our first Double speed dating event was held in July, 2004. From 6:45 PM- 7:30PM, we had a pre-event for ladies only with a complimentary buffett sponsored by Island Plastic Surgery. Initially I thought a lot of women would be coming in pairs, but surprisingly about 70% of the female participants came alone. I was pretty amazed to see how easily the ladies bonded. Each time a new single woman arrived, she was immediately introduced to group and made to feel welcome.

From 7:30 to 8 pm, the men started to arrive. The women had already been eating and were sitting at tables. They had already paired up themselves, and were making new friends. Each man was seated with a pair of women and the night began. Instead of our normal 4 or 5 minutes per date, the time was increased to 6 or 7 minutes per double date. By the end of the evening we had completed approximately 20 rounds and it was time for the feedback. I knew this event was not for everyone, so was concerned about what I was about to hear.

Big surprise! I got a few bits of constructive criticism, but none of these comments came from women. While some men loved the fact that they got to talk to two women at once, a few of the guys found it a bit distracting. The comments pretty much revolved around how to handle the situation where they were interested in one woman at the table, but not the other. The comments from women were overwhelmingly positive. A few ladies who expressed hesitation about signing up for the event said they were pleasantly surprised and were very happy they attended. Not only did they meet several eligible men, but they also made several new female friends.

On Friday, October 1st, 2004, we will host a Double speed dating event at Jillian’s in Farmingdale for Men ages 40-56 and Women 38-53. 100% of the profits from this event, and every Long Island speed dating event held in September 2004 will be donated to the LI911 Memorial Fund, a project created by the Long Island Association of Retired New York City Firefighters to honor the nearly 400 Long Islanders who died in the terrorist attacks.

Part I

Two women, and one man. No, it’s not at all what you may be thinking so get your mind out of the gutter, lol. This was simply a creative solution meant to address a shortage of single men in their 40’s and 50’s. Here is the story:

When Long Island Speed Dating (currently known as WeekendDating.com) was started, I thought the only market was for the 25-35 year old crowd. Wow, was I wrong! Some of our best events are for the 40’s and 50’s age bracket. Just one problem! Where did all the single guys in the 46-56 age range go? Don’t get me wrong, they do exist, but just not nearly as much as women in a similar age range. I can honestly say we have to turn down 40-60 women per event for this age category in order to ensure we have an equal male/female ratio. Women have complained that they have been waiting more than 6 months to come to an event.

As with all new event ideas, the suggestion was potsed to the mailing list. As to be expected, the men were all for it. Hey, why not, they get to meet twice as many women. I was a little nervous about what the women would say, but to my pleasant surprise, the overwhelming majority thought it was a great idea. Here is an actual comment:

”Hi, I think the idea of having two women at one table is terrific!
My friend and I have been trying to get into a session for women between 38 and 53 and have been unable to do so. I think in a way we were relieved since we are very nervous about doing this…Yet now being able to do it together would be a great way to start.”

Hmm, well I said the overwhelming majority were positive, but not all. Since every story has two sides, here is my favorite comment from Ms. L. who said

“Your double speed dating is one of the worst ideas I have heard in a long time. Why not just line up the ducks and have a carnival shooting match where the guns outnumber the ducks? While others may like your new idea, please put me down as a vehement “no”.

Part II- The event

Our first Double speed dating event was held in July, 2004. From 6:45 PM- 7:30PM, we had a pre-event for ladies only with a complimentary buffett sponsored by Island Plastic Surgery. Initially I thought a lot of women would be coming in pairs, but surprisingly about 70% of the female participants came alone. I was pretty amazed to see how easily the ladies bonded. Each time a new single woman arrived, she was immediately introduced to group and made to feel welcome.

From 7:30 to 8 pm, the men started to arrive. The women had already been eating and were sitting at tables. They had already paired up themselves, and were making new friends. Each man was seated with a pair of women and the night began. Instead of our normal 4 or 5 minutes per date, the time was increased to 6 or 7 minutes per double date. By the end of the evening we had completed approximately 20 rounds and it was time for the feedback. I knew this event was not for everyone, so was concerned about what I was about to hear.

Big surprise! I got a few bits of constructive criticism, but none of these comments came from women. While some men loved the fact that they got to talk to two women at once, a few of the guys found it a bit distracting. The comments pretty much revolved around how to handle the situation where they were interested in one woman at the table, but not the other. The comments from women were overwhelmingly positive. A few ladies who expressed hesitation about signing up for the event said they were pleasantly surprised and were very happy they attended. Not only did they meet several eligible men, but they also made several new female friends.

On Friday, October 1st, 2004, we will host a Double speed dating event at Jillian’s in Farmingdale for Men ages 40-56 and Women 38-53. 100% of the profits from this event, and every Long Island speed dating event held in September 2004 will be donated to the LI911 Memorial Fund, a project created by the Long Island Association of Retired New York City Firefighters to honor the nearly 400 Long Islanders who died in the terrorist attacks.

Long Island Speed Dating, Long Island Dating, Long Island Single.

Why is so difficult to find the right one for you. For starters, men have a hard time figuring out women, and vice versa. We are just so different with the way we view things. The following are some funny differences highlighted by Matt Groening

NEWS BULLETIN – Men and women are NOT alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged:

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work.

Hats:
Women look good in hats; men look like dinks.

Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:
A man has at most six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and something turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Going out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

Sex:
Women prefer 30 – 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 – 45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

If you are a guy who wears white tube socks with black shoes, chances are you are still single. Well at least that’s what my female friends tell me.

As described in prior articles, Men and Women are very different. Something very minor to a man can be such a major issue to a woman that she will not give him the time of day. I spoke at length with my friend Lauren who shared some of her insights on no-no’s guys can make when trying to get to know her.

*White tube socks do NOT go with black shoes. Buy some dress socks, or at least black tube socks.

*Tapered Leg Pant leg issue- Wear straight leg, wide leg, or boot cut pants/jeans. Don’t wear tapered leg style. These make you look like you are stuck in the 80’s. My friend Samantha calls these “ankle suckers”.

* Have some pride in your appearance. Don’t go out all wrinkled or look like you just came from the gym.

*Get a good wallet, one that is not all ripped up. No velcro.

*If you have a hairy chest, keep it under wraps. The whole world does not need to see it.

*Have breath mints or gum. Their is nothing worse than talking to a guy with bad breath.

*Don’t be looking at other women while on a first date.

*Do not stare at a woman’s chest constantly.

*Compliment, but don’t over do it.

*Don’t talk about politics or religion on a first date.

*Don’t wear sneakers on the first date; unless you have discussed it before and it is date appropriate (e.g. hiking or pumpkin picking).

*No hats- especially sideways.

*Do not answer your cell phone on a date, unless it is an emergency call. It’s rude. It should be off or on vibrate.

* No flashing the cash. If the guy is offering to pay, that’s great, but don’t wip out a wad of money to make it seem like your all that.

*Try not to talk about ex’s on a date.

*Don’t talk about yourself too much. Try to ask questions to get to know the other person.

*Offer to pay on the first date. Don’t go dutch on a cup of coffee. It evens out over time.

*Do not be rude to the waitress and leave a bad tip.

*Make sure your car is clean inside.

*Make sure your seat belt works

*When you put the radio on, ask your date what kind of music she likes.

Feel free to email me back with your comments.

To follow up on our last article titled “Older Women, Younger Men” we interviewed several men and women who attended our Long Island Singles events. The goal was to better understand why the majority of men want to date younger women, while the growing trend is that older women would prefer to date younger men. We had taken a poll a few months back and found that 68% of women surveyed said they would be interested in dating a younger man, however 65% of the men said they would not be interested in dating an older woman. The question is why???

What the guys said
The number one answer given by Men between the ages of 34-47 was that they still wanted to have children and would be concerned that an older woman may have less child bearing years left. This is despite the fact, that many women have children in their 40’s and 50’s.

The second most common response from the guys is that dating a younger woman made them feel younger themselves.

Younger men between 25 and 33 were more open to dating an older woman and did not raise the children issue.

What the women said
The ladies between 40 and 55 had a different take on the subject. They were more interested in dating a younger man because they “take care of themselves and are in better shape than guys my own age”, said Claire, a 47 year old woman from Long Island. “Older guys don’t have enough energy to keep up with me. I like to be on the go, and seem to have more in common with a younger man.”

The ladies between the ages of 25 and 40 were more divided on the topic. Most said that age shouldn’t matter at all and that it all depends on the connection and the maturity level. Most of the women in this bracket did say they were used to dating older men because women mature much faster then men.