| First things first, i would like to mention that Hunt Ethridge blog, who is my co writer for NYDC Newsletter was just selected as one of Top 10 Dating Blogs on the Web by DatingAdvice.com. Hunt is also one of main columnist for LavaLife when he is not working in field with NYDC clietns. All of us at NYDC would like to congratulate him on this accomplishments.
Now back to First Date:
Whether you’re an online dater, a blind dater, or your average dater, having some insight as to what makes a date good and what makes a date bad, is crucial information. We find that most crucial dating mistakes happen on the first date. So if you’ve ever gotten a first date with a hottie, and it seemed like it went great, but then she never returned your text or call after that, keep reading because we will explain why in this newsletter.
Now when it comes to a bad date, I’m sure that the obvious things come to mind: a bad date spot, uninterested woman, boring conversations, you name it. While those are all correct, they are only surface reasons. In fact, the most important reasons are usually glanced over.
First Key Reason Why Guys Dont Get Second Date
Are you aware of what makes a date good, for the girl?
For starters, when a woman calls her friend the next day to tell her about what a great date she had, it’s usually has to do with chemistry. Women are emotional creatures, so unless something positvely ignites our emotions, we simply don’t feel that chemistry. Remeber those boring questions: What you do for living? Where do you live? What do you do for fun? Guess what, these questions are hurting your chances, just as much as bad hygiene and being fat. But they are invisible, hence we always blame something else other then our pattern of interaction.
So how do you facilitate chemistry? First off, any good date includes banter and rapport. All banter is is fun, lighthearted, no content conversation. It paves the way for flirting and is a gateway to rapport. So what exactly is rapport? Rapport is a transfer of emotional energy. It is NOT having something in common with someone (yes, you both like traveling, bad news is this will play no role for your connection) but rather, having a similar emotion. For example, just because you have a dog and I have a dog, doesn’t mean we’re in rapport.
Rapport is based on that common feeling of understanding the other person’s emotions from either personal experience or from simply having a connection. You should always be “fishing for rapport” on dates, and not be afraid to pump the brakes if you feel like you are doing all of the talking and she is not contributing enough. Therefore, to achieve this, the date cannot be composed solely of logical questions. As we mentioned earlier, when you interview someone with logical questions, the other person goes into auto-pilot questopm answer mode and that sets you up for a bad date. This does NOT put you on her emotional radar. A few logical questions here and there are fine (and normal) but they should be very small part of the conversation.
Second Key Reason Why Guys Dont get Second Date
If a girl is too comfortable on the first date it’s not good for a guy. Some tension should always be present.
When we ask out clients, do you want the girl you’re on a date with to be comfortable or not, 100% say comfortable – Here is a problem with that answer. When a girl is too comfortable on a date, that means she’s not feeling sexually motivated by you. On a date, a woman usually takes the interviewer role and the guy tends to take up an interviewee role. This is natural as women tend to filter from the get go, as she is going through her check list in her head. This also usually means she is the one who is dictating and leading the date because she is feeling too comfortable. And it could also mean that she is not looking at you in a romantic way.
But please don’t confuse comfort and confidence. When a woman is confident in herself, it will be apparent by the way she carries herself. However, if a woman happens to be confident but is a little nervous, or has butterflies, this is GOOD for you. This means she cares about what you think of her and doesn’t want to make any “mistakes” that disqualify her!
And lastly, strong eye contact and touching are a must! But we’ll save those must hear details for our nextnewsletter 🙂
Homework: Next time you are on a date, think of 3 emotion igniting questions to ask beforehand instead of logical ones. Hint: A story is best way to lead into emotional question.
Antonia Geno
NYDC Dating Coach |
