When Do You Call a Woman?
Article by Carlos Xuma
“When do I call her? Experts say wait till 2 to 3 days then call, but what if you call and it went into voice mail. Shall I leave a message? Or call again later?”
First of all, blanket rules are rarely practical or effective. What’s much more valuable to you is having the fundamental understanding of where her head is at so you can judge for yourself and adjust to fit the situation. You have to have an adaptive system to decide these things for yourself.
Let me give you some examples so you can understand what I’m talking about:
1) You barely know her, and you got her phone number fairly quickly. (Met her in a store or on the street.)
She’s a cold contact, and she’s unlikely to remember you after a couple days. I’d call her between 48-72 hours after you met her so that the contact doesn’t go too cold. She barely knows you, so you are very suspect in her eyes until you’ve had a chance to establish more attraction. Until then, you’re no better than a blind date. Don’t wait too long, or you’ll stand almost no chance of getting together with her. Make sure you go for a light meeting (coffee or a drink) to get things started.
2) You met her at a party or social occasion where you had an opportunity to interact for a while and establish some trust and rapport.
She’s a warm contact, and you’ve got some time here. I would not call her until after 3 or 4 days, with 7 days maximum. You want her to wonder where you are and why you haven’t called. Of course, this only works if you had a strong connection up front.
3) You know her from a common connection or setting (work, friends, same class, etc.) and you’ll likely see her again there. OR she’s very interested and you hit it off great right at the start, including some likely buying indicators.
She’s a hot prospect, and you can wait even longer before you contact her. In fact, if you met her in a setting where you’ll see her again, get her number, but don’t call her until AFTER the next time you see her. This will make her wonder if you’re really interested. This kind of wonder will only help you. The longer the better, but don’t wait TOO long. 10-12 days is about the limit.
As for voicemail, you never leave a message with a woman on your first few phone calls.
Why? Because you are giving your power over to her, because if you leave a message with her, for as long as it takes her to get back to you (IF she gets back to you) you’ll be wondering about her and thinking about her. And that deepens your emotional interest in HER more than it does hers in YOU.
NEVER, ever leave a message with a woman, and especially on the first time you call her. Block your caller ID so she won’t know it’s you, and try her again later. Don’t call more frequently than once a day. (She might be screening her calls, and that marks you as a freak when and if she decides to answer to find out who is pestering her.)
The way to avoid this situation is to always find out when she’ll be available for you to call her when you first get her number. Then, if she’s not there when you call and leave a message, you have a reason to be concerned. She’s raising a red flag for you before you’ve even gotten started, so you know that you need to put her on probation.
Also, get her cell phone, since people are least intimidated about giving that number out (not as personal as a home phone), and you can be reasonably sure to get her if she’s out.
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I sometimes will post these articles even when I do not agree with them. Curious what you all think.. If I meet a woman at a party and we have mutual interest, I should not call her, but wait until after I see her again? I do get the builds attraction part, but unless I had a supply of other women I was dating that kept me busy, I would want to call her much sooner than 10-12 days.
I’ll respond to a few different suggestions here:
-If I meet a man at a party or social occasion where we got to interact for awhile and he asked for my phone number, I’d expect a call in 3 days or less. Longer than that, and I’ll wonder what sort of game he’s playing.
– If a man and I have a common connection (work, class, etc) and he asks for my phone number and doesn’t use it, I will recognize that he’s playing a game (no wondering here!), and my interest will drop considerably. In my book, he goes from being a “hot prospect” to a “warm prospect.”
-I don’t answer calls to my cell phone if I don’t recognize the number, and I NEVER answer blocked numbers.
About me, personally: I’m very straightforward, and I expect the people around me to be the same. I guess I’ll remain single for as long as there are men that listen to this type of advice…
It is up to the man to pursue the woman. If I met a man and he waited longer than a day or two to call me, no matter how we met, I would probably not give him the time of day once he did…so men, disregard the above, unless you are only dating insecure women with no self-esteem.
This was interesting…all of the debate and strategy. I think strategy can be useful sometimes, but if a guy has to categorize a women as a “cold LEAD” or a warm contact…like he’s sitting in a cubicle at work selling home insurance than it won’t matter anyway. Odds are she won’t be attracted to him b/c he is NOT in his power in the first place. When a man is fully in his masculine energy~ he picks up the phone when he feels like talking to her. And a woman who is attracted to that man will just be glad he called. No, don’t call all of time..and don’t leave messages…I coach this to my guy clients(who are living in their feminine energy). And we spend A LOT more time helping them tap into their masculine energy so they won’t have to play head games..with her or with themselves.