What does the word Friend mean?
Can Men and Women be Friends?
I said, nope, been there, done that, and I almost had a riot on my hands. A year or so ago, I had added that option based on several user comments that one of my competitors offered it. After about a month, I removed the option because the men were furious.
At an event, a woman thought a guy was very “nice”, but just was not interested in him romantically so she selected the friend option. The guy got his results, saw he matched with the woman as a friend, emailed her, and then got really annoyed that she did not want to go on a date. Guys just don’t want to hear that “you are very nice, but just not for me.”
That being said, Lisa confused me a little more (when it comes to understanding women, it is not very difficult to confuse me). She said that doesn’t know after 5 minutes whether she wants to date someone, and that is why she wanted the friend option.
Wait a minute here! As far as I am concerned, the word friend means that you are very nice, and I think you are a great person, but there is no chance that we are going to date or get into anything romantic. According to Lisa, friend means that I want to get to know you a little better before deciding whether to date your or not.
Semantics issue? What do you think of when you hear the words, I want to be friends? Jay’s definition or Lisa’s? (Lisa is not your typical woman, she doesn’t look at a guys shoes when meeting him and considers me a metrosexual, which is the furthest thing from the truth). So I really need some more opinions here.
On a logical note…two people need to be friends first, order to have something more meaningful and long-term (in my view). Relationships that are purely based on romance and attraction (surface) usually die out and collapse when there are bumps on the road. The 5-min. speed dating situation is ALL about visual interest. That's pretty much the truth…and YES – women are just as visual as men are. They know what they find attractive – and personalities do not shine through the very first 5 mins of meeting someone face to face. By the way, it takes a very mature man to be friends with a woman. Most men view women in a certain way..moreso when they are attracted to any degree. Again, I think a smart man that is confident would not view being friends as a negative option…but rather use that as an opportunity–to use the right broom to sweep that woman off her feet…especially if it's coming from an older woman…not some 20 yr old little girl, who bases her decisions solely on what she sees. Looks only take you so far!
Lots of very different opinions!
Since it seems to be the men who have issue with this "friend" category, I have a question: why are some women worthy enough to date but not worthy enough to have in your life without the romantic connection?
There have been several men that I didn't even know I wanted to date until after I'd gotten to know them a bit. I'm glad we were friends first!
I am a 41 yr old woman who has had a lifetime of male friends. The biggest issue has been when they start dating someone who perceives me to be a threat – a close 14 year PLATONIC friendship once ended because of this.
One last thought: About 10 years ago, I went on 3 dates in 3 nights with a man I met on an internet dating site. We realized immediately that there was no "spark" or chemistry of any kind, but we had to have each other in our lives… He is now my best friend, the Will to my Grace (although we're both heterosexual), and my life has been enriched by having him in it. We have never gone the "friends with benefits" route, and we won't. It's really too bad that so many people will deny themselves a friendship like this one.