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As I started to share more personal stories and become more transparent about my own dating life,  a few people have started offering to introduce to their friends.  I was recently set up with a gal who we will call Michelle.

We met at Erwan on Bell Blvd and had a nice time.   Basically I had an enjoyable time, really did like her personality and what she had to say, and was interested in getting to know more about her.

Now the old me would not have even considered pursuing anything since I did not feel that “instant click”, but the new me is trying to give people a chance.  So I was interested in getting together with her again and see what happens.  We had met on a Sunday and I called her that Wednesday.

When I called, I left a message on her voice mail and made some type of joke that I wasn’t playing the three day rule game, but had some personal issues I was dealing with.  Actually it was the truth, and I had gotten really busy and could not call her any sooner.

So what happened???

I never got a return phone call.

Now in a regular scenario, I might never have found out what happened, but since we were introduced by a mutual friend, I was able to get the scoop.

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I love what I do with Weekenddating.com and all the great success stories.  However, I am the shoemaker who has bad shoes , lol.  I find first “dates” very nerv racking, which is why I am a big fan of speed dating (short and sweet, no pressure).

The word “date” makes me nervous if I am just meeting someone, so I prefer not to use it.

Ok, back to the story.

When I first met Michelle that night, she mentioned that she was nervous.  I said, “don’t be nervous, we are just getting together, this is not a date, it is a get together so we can find out more about each other.”  I apparently said this a few times during the night.  I said it to make her feel more comfortable, but also as a defense mechanism for me.  Saying that we were not out on a date, but a get together, prevented me from getting nervous myself.

So it turns out that Michelle thought that I was not interested in her because I apparently kept saying that “this was not a date.”  When I had called her a few days later, she also misconstrued the joke about the three day rule.

So…….. the bottom line is that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.  We can totally talk past each other because we use different communication styles.

NYC Speed Dating

See.. I have this thing about the word “date.”   It makes me nervous to go out on a first “date”, so i prefer to call it a get together, meetup, or anything other than the word date.

If you missed part 1 which covered the flasher and the stalker, click here
if you missed part 2 which covered the drink thrower and the scavenger, click here

About this biz- Good, Bad, Ugly- Conclusion
So far in part 1 we discussed some of the great things that I love about this business as well as a few bizarre incidents. Part 2 continued with the bizarre incidents and started with some of the frustrating aspects of this business. In this final part to the saga, we will continue with some of the things that I find frustrating or drives me nuts about this business.

People not getting a match or not matching with the one they wanted: This one really sucks. Thankfully, it does not happen too often, but I do feel pain when having to send an email letting someone know that they did not have a match. Nowadays, most companies are shifting over towards an automated system whereby the participant logs their selections after the event and the computer does everything. I still believe that you paid for the event, and that you should not have to do homework afterwards, so we do the matching for you. That involves entering your selections into the computer and then hitting the button to send you the matches. Note: About 90% of the participants on average get a match or one way match.

Side note/ story: I work really hard at putting on a very organized event, but what happens after the event is out of my control. I had a former customer who believed that it was my responsibility to follow up with each of the ladies from an event and inquire why they did not select him. As much as I would like to help, this is really outside of the scope of the business. Weekenddating.com is not a dating service. We run singles events.

People who pay for an event and either do not show up or run away after they check in.
I know what many of you may be thinking. “What does it matter to him if I don’t show up or I leave? He got his money, so no big deal.”

I cannot stress how much it IS A HUGE DEAL if you do this. Yes, WeekendDating is how I put food on my table, but this is not about taking your money. It is about giving you a quality event and giving you the opportunity to meet someone who can change your life forever. If you pay for an event, but do not let me know that you are not coming, or you get nervous and leave, your actions can potentially be ruining the event for 20+ other people.

Let’s look at an actual email I received from someone that just drove me nuts! and examine the trickle down effect:

Hey Jay:
I gave it a shot. I shlepped in from Jersey. I was on time. It started late. There were only 7 women. I don’t get it. Your employee was great. I left before it started. Total disappointment.
Regards,

Michael

Ok, lets break this email down a bit and add in the facts.

This particular event took place in Manhattan and was scheduled to start at 8:15 PM. Here is what happened:

• Three ladies were running late to the event, so we were waiting a few extra minutes before we got started. We did not want to start the event with only 7 ladies. One additional woman paid for the event, but did not call to cancel, and just didn’t show up. 10+ ladies who were on a wait list were turned away from the event.
• Our hostess let all the participants know that we would be starting a few minutes late because some people were delayed.
• Michael decided to bolt without telling anyone and snuck out the back door, subsequently emailing me that he “gave it a shot.” Ugg, Michael if you are reading this.. Sorry my friend, you did not give anything a shot, you bolted out the back door and royally screwed up the event.
• The three ladies arrived and we started the event at approximately 8:30 PM. One of the ladies was annoyed that she had to start the event on a break spot (Michael had bolted), and convinced the other two women that they should all just leave. This created excess break spots for the guys.

So I can not stress this enough. Please, if you register for an event and can not make it, kindly give us the courtesy of letting us know that you will not be attending. It really makes a huge difference.

If things get screwed up

Thankfully the above incident does not happen very often and 90-95% of the events go off without a hitch. That being said, if on a rare occasion, something like the above does happen, please know that I will always do the right thing. I am not interested in just taking your money. I want to give you a good show, a quality event, and if things get messed up, I will do right by you.

*Less than 8 dates – If for any reason, you had less than 8 dates, you would get a free event on top of the event you attended (Note- In 8+ years of business, this has maybe happened 4 or 5 times)

*8 Dates- Technically speaking 8 dates does meet the quota for the minimum number of dates, but I am not sure you would fully be getting your money’s worth. Typically we would send you a coupon for $15 off another event.

PS- If you have a gripe or an issue about anything that takes place at an event, I really do want to know about it. I can’t fix it or attempt to fix it, if you don’t tell me, so feel free to reach out at info@Weekenddating.com or call me at 718-757-6933. The one thing I can not control is the backgrounds of the people you will meet. Weekenddating is not a dating service and we have had all types of backgrounds ranging from Doctors to Lawyers to Teachers, Nurses, Construction Workers, Mechanics, etc.

Thanks very much for listening to me ramble.
Jay
www.weekenddating.com
718-757-6933

PSS- If you would like to help me spread the word about weekenddating, please share our link on your facebook wall. You also get a $5 or $10 or $20 coupon towards a speed dating event. You can share at www.facebook.com/weekenddating1

Speed Dating NYC           Singles Events Long Island

If you missed Part 1 where I told you about the things I love about this business, as well as some of Bizzare stories which include “the flasher” and “the stalker”, click here
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Ok, lets continue with some more bizzare stories.  Again, in eight years, most events are just really “normal” but once in a blue moon, some crazy things happen.

• The Drink Thrower-  Michelle had arrived a little early, so I checked her in and she went to hang out by the bar.  People started to arrive and then Marcus walked through the door to register.  Michelle then came back over and seemed visually shaken.  She was very upset that Marcus was there, and went over to yell at him.
  She then calmed down and Marcus said that they agreed that he would stay and Michelle was going to leave.    Apparently they had dated before and it did not work out.  In retrospect, I really wish I had them both leave, a lesson learned for future events.We started the event and after about 20 minutes, Michelle comes storming into the event. 

  Out of nowhere, she takes a drink and throws it at Marcus and starts screaming.  Michelle is escorted out of the bar, and Marcus is sitting there with alcohol pouring down his face.   He grabs a napkin, wipes his face, and then keeps talking to his next date as if nothing had happened.  We had a break a few mintues later and I let Marcus know that it really was not a good idea that he stay any longer, so he leaves.  About an hour later, the bouncer came up to me and said “you are never going to believe this.”  The two of them were sitting in the Donut shop next door holding each other, and left in the same car together.” 

• New Years Eve 2005 at The Cat’s Meow in Smithtown–  Hmm, probably the wildest night I have experienced in my 8 years in business.  Anyone still getting this newsletter who was there that night??  I will leave this one in the “vault” for now, but ask me about it when I see you at an event.

The Frustrating

I really do love what I do, but it is not always a picnic.  This is a business like any other business, and things do not always go according to plan.  Most people I come in contact with through the events are great, but I have to deal with some nut cases.

• The Scavengers:  I have a few “scavengers” as I like to call them, who never register for an event, but just somehow magically show up on event day.  They come in and look around, and when I ask if I can help them, reply “I am looking for a friend.”  My scavengers come and go, but my current one is this guy who is in his mid 50’s, dresses as if it is still the 1970’s, and just creeps me out. He tries to hang out at the bar and wait till the event is over, but never buys a thing.  Every time I see him, I am chasing him away, or sicking the bar manager on him. So “70’s bair hair and bad clothes guy”, you obviously read my newsletters or check my website, but please do me a favor and get lost!

Still have a little more to tell you about the things that are very frustrating about this business, but this is getting a little to long.

Until next time

Jay
www.WeekendDating.com

I started Weekenddating.com in 2003 and it has been a wild ride.  Many of you have asked about some of the more memorable moments during these past eight years, so I have decided to share some of the good, bizzare, and frustrating.

The good
Without a doubt, the best part of what I do is getting that call or email letting me know that you met someone special from the event.  Nothing beats the feeling of getting a Wedding invitation or a card in the mail to tell me about your new baby.  Wow, new life has come into this world because of a meeting at one of my events.  Totally cool!  The couples reunion event at the end of 2009 and in 2010 really brought this home.  There are a few videos of the reunion up at www.weekenddating.com/testimonials.shtml

I have also become friends with many of you who are reading this blog.  My social circle has totally expanded and it is a great feeling to go out somewhere and see some friendly faces!

Lastly, I would have to say that getting on CNN and in the Newspapers was something that I never expected.  You can see some of the videos and articles at www.weekenddating.com/inthenews.shtml

The Bizzare
The vast majority of the events go off without anything crazy happening, but once in a while something does.  These are a few stories, all true, but I will change the names to protect the innocent:

• The Flasher.  I got a call on the phone from a woman asking about the events.  Out of nowhere, she starts talking dirty on the phone and ends the coversation by saying that she was going to register.  I was shocked that she actually did register and showed at the event.  So what happened?  She started each conversation by taking down her top and saying “what do you think of these?”  Apparently she had just gotten breast implants and was looking to show them off.  Everyone thought I hired a stripper for the event, but it was not the case.  This young lady was ultimately banned from coming to any future events.
• The Stalker.  I remember saying to myself “Am I on candid camera?”  This woman just pinched my ass and said “you know you want to **ck me.”  Do I know you, I said to her.  The event had just started and she grabbed me while I was walking by, after making the announcement.  Well it turns out that she said this to quite a few of the guys that night, and made a lot of people uncomfortable.  Thus, Maria was banned from the events.  The problem was…. I COULD NOT GET RID OF HER.  She would show up at events and peek in the window.  After an event was over, she would come in and say “anybody good here for me.”  This went on for about a year, but then abruptly stopped.  I heard through the grapevine that she got married.  There is a lid for every pot! 

Ok, well this is getting a little long now.  I still have to tell you about the “Scavenger”, the “Bottle Crasher” and the things that drive me crazy about this business.

Until then…..

Jay
www.WeekendDating.com

A female friend from out of town came to visit me at one of my events recently.  Actually she was someone I met at my very first event back in 2003, but had since moved away.   She is the complete package and a total knockout.  Story of my life though.. I got caught in the friend zone.  We will talk about that in another blog.

Anyway, while I was doing my thing, she was talking to a few people at the bar and had a martini in her hand.  I couldn’t help but notice that she was stroking the stem of the glass up and down continuously with her napkin.

Ok, I may look sweet and innocent, but I am still a guy and had all the naughty thoughts going on.  Hmm, I said to myself… maybe she likes this guy…or maybe it’s been a while and.. well… you figure it out.

I had always been super attracted to this woman, but like I said… we were “friends”, but hey a guy still has to wonder.
We have talked about all kinds of things, so the next day I asked her about the stroking of the martini glass up and down and whether she liked the guy she was talking to.

She started laughing and was pretty shocked that I noticed that and replied “their was condensation on the stem of the glass, so I was trying to keep my hands from getting sticky.”

Where is the manual on understanding body language?  Any good books you can suggest???  Although the same body language signs can mean something totally different depending on the woman.

A few weeks ago I wrote about a date I went on where at the end of the night, the woman offered me a piece of gum and took a piece of gum herself.   Read the story here. How did I interpret it??  Good sign, get ready for the possible kiss. Hmm, maybe not.

Guys, another supposed sign of interest is when a woman plays with her hair while talking to you.   Hmm, maybe.. maybe not.

So ladies…. what are you signs that you give off that lets a guy know you are interested….

From tesh.com

Signs that your date is not the one

If you’re looking for your soul mate and wondering if it’s the person you’ve been dating, you should pay attention to the little voice in your head if you’ve got some doubts. Here are the signs that your date is NOT The One, courtesy of MSN.com:

Sign #1: Your date overspends, and you’re stingy. If one of you shops to feel good, and the other prefers saving for the future, look out – it’ll only lead to irritation, frustration and arguments. Get out while your credit card balance is still manageable.

Sign #2: They just don’t get your jokes. If that obscure reference gets you polite but confused giggles on your first few dates, your differences might be met with frosty silence down the road. For example, if you’re a Garrison Keillor fan, and he’s more of a Borat type of guy – you’ll probably never be laughing at the same time.

Sign #3 : One of you wants kids and the other doesn’t. Some people assume having children goes along with love and marriage, but a lot of people are happy being a twosome ‘til death do them part. So, make sure you have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s important to know where you each stand on this impending deal-breaker. Just don’t do it on the FIRST date. That’ll send them packing before you have time to figure out their long-term potential.

Sign #4: Your lifestyles are too different. If you’re a corporate exec pulling in six-figures, and they’re content with a much more modest salary, that might be okay with you. If it’s not, don’t get their hopes up. Move on, or you’re always going to feel resentful and they’re always going to feel inadequate.

Sign #5: The relationship has you on edge. The right person should lift you up and strengthen you, not give you anxiety. Listen to your gut if it’s telling you something’s wrong.

This past week I heard about two crazy dating stories to share and wanted to open this blog up for you to share any of your own crazy stuff.

1) He took it out. Ever see the Seinfeld Episode- see above? Well not exactly the same, but a friend told me about a recent date that started out great. The turning point was when he walked her back to her car in the parking lot and “he took it out” to go to the bathroom in the bushes.

2) She slashed her own tire so that he can help her- While talking to a gal at a recent event, she mentioned that her friend was coming down to wait until the event ended so that they could go out. When I asked why the friend did not register, she said that her friend was with somone. Being the nosebody that I am, I asked how her friend met the guy, to which I received the reply “she slashed her own tire.”

Turns out this woman was going to an attorneys office for a consultation and had a thing for the attorney. When she left his office, she needed a way to get his attention and slashed her own tire, which gave her an excuse to ask him for help. The result you may ask…… They are engaged..

Had any interesting dating experiences? Share them below.

From Tesh.com

New Rules for Today’s Pickup Artists

The face of the pickup artist is changing. Until recently, the term ‘pickup artist’ often referred to men who used sleazy pickup lines to seduce women into having one-night stands. Today, it’s more likely to be used to describe men who prefer long-term commitment, and self-improvement over seduction.

That’s the word from Sal Peer, who teaches a course for guys known as “The Speer Method.” He says 95% of his clients are interested in finding “the one.” They just need a little help when it comes to dating and meeting women. That’s why men are willing to pay big bucks to hire dating coaches, or attend “pickup artist seminars.”

So what are men learning at those seminars?

1.Rule #1: Be honest. James Norton is a dating coach who says when you lie to others, it’s usually because you don’t feel worthy of being around them, and that’s not a healthy attitude to have in any relationship.

2.That brings us to Rule #2 for aspiring pickup artists: Be confident. Experts say 90% of attraction between men and women starts with body language. That’s why many seminars teach basic social skills like projecting your voice, listening, and standing up straight. It sounds simple, but Norton says a lot of guys need practice just looking a woman in the eye and smiling.

3.Rule #3: Forget the cheesy pickup lines. Norton says men should have the confidence to go up to any woman and say: “Hello, my name is” without memorizing a line, routine, or gimmick. Because those only relay the message that you’re either fake or creepy.

4.One more rule for today’s pickup artists: MAKE opportunities, don’t WAIT for them. Norton says unless you give women a reason to talk to you, many will just sit and talk with their friends all night. So don’t be afraid to make the first move. As Norton puts it, it’s YOUR social life. So until you break the ice with a direct “hello,” you’ll never know if a woman’s interested.

Have you seen the Seinfeld episode where Jerry is dating a woman, but is more interested in her roomate. He and George try to develop a plan to handle the situation. Watch the video here The Switch

Not exactly the same, but the following took place at a recent mingle.

Joe was talking to Marie and Sara for about 20 minutes. He was very attracted to Sara and was interested in getting to know her better. Only problem was that Marie was closer to Joe in proximity and was showoing obvious signs of interest. A few minutes later, another guy walked over and started talking to Sara (the one that Joe liked).

So at this point, they were a foursome talking. Joe excused himself to the bathroom and called me over asking for advice while he was waiting in line. After the restroom, Joe said goodbye to Marie and Sara and took off. A few minutes later, Marie asked me what was up with Joe and seemed surprised that he did not ask for her number before he left.

“I replied.. Do you watch Seinfeld? Ever seen the episode called the switch?”

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Anyone have any solutions on how they think the situation could have turned out positive?